Mom...My Sense of Perfection Ran Deeper Than I Thought

So my my Mom was turning sixty this past year. It was time to party. My mom's birthday fell just after Christmas. Over the years this meant going out dinner with her parents (no kids allowed- I would still be considered a kid) for a quiet dinner.

My mom's husband and I got to planning--we were going big. Her friends, appetizers, invitations for 110. True to form my mom gave me her inspiration for the party...a pine cone. Not just any pine cone. A pine cone that she had hiked to get and is the size of a small watermelon. Design a cake around that. I felt like the kohler commercial. But it did not stop there. I asked her, "what type of cake do you want?" We were up at are usual time 5AM having coffee. "brown sugar with a black walnut frosting" What I thought to myself. This is why I started making my own birthday cakes. I didn't even know what this was. She took out the cook books. I said, "mom lets think of the masses here. Also, I work in fondant a walnut glaze wouldn't work structurally." She looked at me and said just as mother knows how to do it "that's fine do what you want," but I felt like I had crushed my Mom's cake dreams like the very walnuts she wanted.

My very quest for perfection that I have been working to squelch began to rear its ugly head. I had decided on the cake. Chocolate cake with a carmel fleur de sal filling with toasted almonds with chocolate gnache filling. The party had 90 RSVPs so it was a 3 tier cake. The theme of the party had a modern woodland vibe incorporating my Mom's beloved pine cones.

I hand formed pine cones out of gum paste, dusted half in gold and left half in brown. I made mushrooms out of meringue. The forest scene grew out of the side of the cake with a cook gray sky in the background. I wanted the cake to be perfect. I was so focused on the placement of pine cones and mushrooms my brother told me to stop. Let it go. My mom spent part of her life trying to please her mom-- I now fell into that web. Not again. The cycle ends here. The cake was my mom. The cake expressed her love of nature and it was delicious--no parchment paper.

Hello Kitty is Back!

I remember being about 10 years old and going to San Francisco with my mom. I still remember walking into the Sanrio store-- a Hello Kitty wonderland--my favorite thing was picking the grab bag. It had a surprise item in it. Little did I know 23 years later my daughter would be in love with Hello Kitty. Around five your children become acutely aware of their birthdays--Payton wanted to go bowling and have a Hello Kitty cake.

Up until this point I have either my a cake that looked great, but she couldn't eat and served her a separate cupcake or purchased a small vegan cake (i did this once--it was gross). I was on a mission this year. I wanted Payton for the first time in her life to be like every other kid--blow out the candles, cut the cake and get the first piece of cake. I never understood how important inclusion was to a child until one family birthday party when my daughter burst into tears because she couldn't eat the cake because it had dairy. She walked across the lawn, sat by herself and began to cry. She got it--she was different! But that it why we love her.

I was going to go big-- a sculpted Hello Kitty out of cereal treats-- of course I asked Payton what type of cake she wanted-- pink-- so I did a strawberry dairy free cake with tofu cream cheese Tahitian vanilla bean frosting.

I marched forward with no drawings or plans-- free form sculpting inspired by my daughter's favorite doll and a small picture of Hello Kitty. I had never mold or sculpted before. But I was free--I used my favorite casserole pot as a mold for the head and carefully carved the head. The Hello Kitty was covered in fondant. Payton carefully directly the colors of the dress--how many flowers. I free formed the body, arms, ears and legs. It took about 4 days working at night--it became a sick obsession. The "kitty" sat staring at my family on the counter--"my ears could be better" "my arm is going to fall off" My husband finally said, "you have to let it go" I was like a crazed artist. When my family walked in and saw they could not believe it. The entire cake was entirely edible. The cake was amazing, I loved it because my daughter loved. Better yet--it tasted great. Yes I said-- I love this cake--to date this is still one of my favorite cakes.

The look on my daughters face when she got the first slice was amazing-- she was included with her friends. Hello Kitty was back in a big way!

Flexibility 101

One of my greatest joys has been doing cakes for other people. In fact I have only done one cake for myself--it was the birthday cake I shared with my husband. I love the look that comes over their face when they see the cake for the first time--amazement and wonder. Transporting them back to their childhood or favorite memory just for a split second. That is why I get so much enjoyment out of doing cakes.

I have had the pleasure of doing several cakes for my best friend. A birthday cake, cupcakes for her wedding shower, and most recently her baby shower. My life has changed dramatically over the course of these baked goods. The birthday cake I was still in my perfectionist stage obsessing over the perfect color purple--finally abandoning the icing and adding a decorative ribbon in the perfect hue. The cupcakes had beautiful little bunches of piped grapes to match with the theme--but I was letting go. For her shower cake-- it was all about the amazing little family that was being created. All boy. Dump trucks, baseball. A "K" for their last name, a football--their favorite sport.

It was a beautiful cake--my daughter was now in the kitchen helping me put the final touches on the two tier round cake. I turned my back--my daughter, in an effort to be efficient much like her mother attempted to place the top tier herself. Not a good idea. It hit the decks. Quelling my anger as my daughter looked me--I smiled and said--"it will be okay,--I'm not mad" as I was saying "oh shit, oh shit" inside "the shower is two hours away." The cake was dented and crushed on one side and now resembled a piece of clay on a potters wheel. I ripped off the fondant. Baby block I thought. Bingo--more fondant appliques--we got it!! My daughter came back and we were done.

Flexibility as a mom and as a baker is a good thing...