Letting Go..

My daughter is amazing--before you role your eyes--she has a had wonderful sense of spirit since birth. She was born with severe reflux that required multiple medications to control and to a mom who has post-pardum depression that was spinning out of control. Payton made my job as a mom easy- she didn't fuss or cry--she went with the follow. I could not wrap my head around why I was having such a hard time fully loving this amazing little girl. Why couldn't I open myself up to motherhood. With the help of doctors, medications, I broke through, but it took time and learning to trust in myself and in Payton. Letting go of perfection realizing that all Payton wanted was to be loved, hugged and tickled. That day came as I dropped her off for preschool. Her classroom had windows to the outside. I watched many parents check in on their kids through the glass or watch the tiny faces press against the glass to get a last glimpse of mom or dad. Then one day in May- Payton press her little face against the glass a banged her hand as I walked by-- that final glimpse. I smiled and waved back to her and blew a kiss. And with that she was off. On that day in May I realized my child just needed me-- not perfect outfits, the perfect parenting books--she just needed and wanted me.

What does all of that have do do with a cake. As I grew into motherhood--Payton moved into the kitchen with me. For her next birthday--I asked her what she wanted. She picked out a butterfly princess cake. No problem, one princess mold, check, one princess torso check, molded butterflies, check. The sense of freedom I gained from doing our 30th birthday cake continued to emerge in Payton's cake. I let go of the fact that I thought the traditional princess cakes were tacky-- I gave Payton's princess an updo--oh yes-- I sewed her hair into a classic chignon. I hand painted and sculpted the butterflies. I asked Payton where they should go on the cake. It was a banana cake with a cream cheese frosting. She loved it. The cake was driven by my daughter...